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The Inevitability of Struggle & Where Your Powers Come In

Don’t you just admire people who seem to be in love with themselves and life? I certainly do. I admire people who seem to be portraying no one but their genuine self, even if I can’t fit into all the features of some of these individuals. I am scared to have a permanent tattoo or more piercings asides the ones I got as a baby. I am not bold enough to use some specific colours on my hair (I dye my hair blonde. I can’t dye it blue or pink, for example). However, I observe with awe, people who have and are wearing such features with confidence and some sort of infectious happiness. 

While nobody has it easy in life, you can control the tides sometimes. Especially when you make keeping yourself happy a top priority.

My self-confidence and content with myself took a sharp dive, last year. Luckily, I started strengthening myself by sticking to the things that make me happy and also, by searching for new ways to be happy.

It is important to be mindful of what makes you happy and be faithful to that thing because when the tide of depression, rejection, negativity, heartbreak and/or financial instability e.t.c – in summary, the tide of unhappiness, comes running, you need a plan B to shift your focus. I continue to discover people and things that make me happy and I am determined to stick with them. Since tides are an inevitable feature of life, I am learning to deal with them better.

One of my approaches is – trying not to judge others on the basis of my own life. As human beings, we tend to do so. I am learning and trying to listen better in order to understand people’s constructive criticism and harmless comments which I may normally take to heart, in a negative way. As it is great to humble yourself and take correction, advice and even jokes, it is also necessary to learn how to deal with negative people. My sister, Ebele Mogo, once told me – Don’t let people transfer their negative energy to you.

That statement continues to be at the back of my mind. There is no doubt that when people choose negativity, their words and actions hurt, but their negativity is not for you to bear. Negativity is like a communicable disease, it spreads easily. So, you have to prevent it from getting to you.

I acquired another approach to dealing with tides after reading the following sentence in Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project, this week – “And rumination—dwelling on slights, unpleasant encounters, and sad events—leads to bad feelings.” In summary – let go.

I choose to control life’s tides by being mindful of the people and things that boost my happiness and by sticking to the tips that I have gathered so far, on how to be patient with people and to avoid negativity from sticking with me. My advice is that you do same. 

Tell me, what are some happiness tips that you have? I will love to know!:) 

Love & Peace,

Chiamaka.

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Don’t Tell Him That His Blackness Doesn’t Matter. Certainly Not In America

Sometimes, I wonder if to call the history of racial prejudice against blacks in America, a history. After all, that hideous, heartbreaking past continues to repeat itself in this 21st century. 

America is still filled with unbelievable racial prejudice and it seems that with a police badge, the solution on how to act on such a mindset is solved. You come up with your own judgement before the interference of the court(s) and serve it to that black-skinned, human-sized prey who luck turned down. It is only a matter of minutes before your catch lay lifeless on the ground. 

An eyewitness said that Michael Brown put his hands in the air and exclaimed that he was unarmed, but still that inner judgment had to be passed. Eric Garner was unarmed; 17-year old Trayvon Martin was unarmed; so was Kendrec Mcdade; Orlando Barlow was unarmed; Timothy Stansbury Jr. was unarmed: Amadou Diallo unarmed, was shot at 41 times and hit by the bullet 19 times. The list does not stop there … not at all.

Police officers like the one who killed Eric Garner with an illegal chokehold; the one who killed Trayvon Martin (cop is part Hispanic); the one who killed Michael Brown; the ones who killed Amadou Diallo and the one who killed Orlando Barlow; all white, are not helping America become a progressive country with regard to the way it treats its minorities (African Americans). Every time unlawful white on black violence occurs in the United States, in this century, a past of filthy racism is brought back to mind and healing wounds begin to hurt afresh. 

The rules that black families give to their male children are likely different from those of white families to their sons. There are a lot of precautions to be taken by the black male child in America. For the parents, the rule book probably does not consist only of:

– Be polite

– Be friendly

– Look right, left and right again, before crossing the road

– Pray before you eat. 

There are probably much more rules for the African-American male child. Rules which will be distinct from that of the white child and scary too. Rules that emphasize taking extra care because the black man’s life seems to be deemed worthless by some.

So, do not tell the black man, in America, that his blackness does not matter, that his skin colour cannot make him disadvantaged. Not when that unchangeable factor has caused innocent people to be suspects and suspects to be killed without getting a chance to go before a judge. Also, do not try to console him with the fact that the President of America is black or tell him that a diverse group of people support some A-list black musicians because it is the ones who are not fortunate enough that are prone to fatal hate. 

Let actions convince him. 

Love & Peace,

Chiamaka.

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Defying Borders To Build A More Peaceful & Just World

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I have observed and experienced that the limiting objective of borders can be useless, if you are determined to achieve your social justice goals. Many people in different parts of the world continually show candor towards the conception that borders should not stop us from trying to make a difference in the world by promoting peace, fairness and equality (in a nutshell – social justice). For the purpose of this post, we will look at the word borders from two different perspectives –

Borders could be the limiting and negative thoughts that come up in our mind or dissuasive negative thoughts that we acquire from other people’s perceptions of things and their fears. Then, borders could be the physical boundaries that separate nations from each other. 

As my eldest brother was driving me home from the airport upon my arrival to Calgary, on Saturday, he mentioned that there have been several protests held in Calgary, for peace in Palestine. I was amazed and touched. Note that Calgary is in Canada and far away from Palestine. However, some Calgarians felt the hurt of Palestinians so much that they took to the roads to protest for freedom.

There are other cases of solidarity in the midst of possible inner limitations and/or several differences that have taken place in our world. Here are a few instances:

– In the wake of the kidnap of more than 200 school girls in Borno state, Nigeria, lots of campaigns started in Nigeria and around the world with the now popular phrase – Bring Back Our Girls. Peaceful protests took place in Ottawa and Toronto. Also, #BringBackOurGirls has become a trending hashtag on Twitter.

– Many people showed up for the rally organized in July after Eric Garner was killed. People have also taken to Twitter to express their desire of what they wish to occur in the aftermath of the very shocking and sad incident, as #JusticeForEricGarner is now a trending hashtag on Twitter.

Amidst the constancy of barbaric acts on human beings by fellow humans, hope still blooms because there are still SEVERAL people in the world who value the rights of our humanity. Such people do not silently observe the violation of others’ human rights, no matter where such an act is occurring at.

An important thing to note is that societies that value human rights tend to be peaceful, so imagine if all parts of the world valued same – we all will become citizens of a peaceful world. Are you willing to help make such a great progression by overcoming some mental and physical borders (without changing location), starting in your own society? I sure hope that the answer is “Yes”. 🙂

Love & Peace,

Chiamaka.

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Why Love and Business Do Go Together

One of the best pieces of advice that can be given to someone is – Follow your passion.

Rephrasing the above advice to the focus of today’s blogpost – Build a business that is based on your passion.

When you own a business, you should truly be your own boss. If you build a business based on something that you are genuinely passionate and knowledgeable about, that is attractive. Customers derive the confidence to buy a product through the character and words of the seller. Also, possible future business partners will like to join a team that is built on realistic goals, lots of wisdom and passion for the job. So, if you are the boss of something that you do not have a serious interest in except for the financial profit and even so, are yet to gather information about the job, business is headed for trouble.

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Also, care must be at the heart of your business. You may love the job that you have created, but you must care about the people that you are serving. If you are just all about the money, you may not win so much in business. Show care for your clients and people that want to patronize your business. Ask them about their personal lives (e.g “How was your day?”, “How was work?”, “For how long have you lived in this city?” e.t.c). Ask them if they have any allergies (depends on the kind of business that you do). People love when they have a personal relationship with their service provider. Such a bond automatically puts that seller at the top of the customer’s list every time the latter needs to get that kind of service (which must be offered by more than one person).

Do not want money so much that you forget to take the customer’s needs as a priority. Do not convince your customer to buy the more expensive product when the cheaper one will be more effective. If you do not have the product that will be best for your customer, it is fine, let the customer leave or make a recommendation. Also, you can learn from clients. If you have noticed that lots of people have asked of a particular product that you do not have, maybe it is time you started selling that product, then:)

The best backdrop for a business plan is passion. Love what you do and care for your clients and the people that want to patronize you.

Love,

Chiamaka.

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THE GARNER MURDER CASE: We Are Not Done Till There Is Absolute Justice

Two weeks ago, I wrote on a murder incident that left me in great shock and deep sadness, for a while. It was the Eric Garner murder. If you have not read about the incident yet, click here to do so. I have continued to follow the aftermath of the sad event, amidst public outcry and the Mayor of New York, Bill de Blasio’s interest in an investigation.

It was worrisome that nearly two weeks after, there had been no significant positive development on the case. I have been scared that the Eric Garner murder will become one of those cases that though clearly deserve justice, would miss the honour. However, last week, on Friday to be precise, I read a news report stating that autopsy has confirmed that Eric Garner was indeed killed by cops from the New York Police Department (NYPD). He died from the chokehold. Also, according to the New York Daily News, ““prone positioning during physical restraint by police”” contributed to Garner’s death. 

That is very encouraging news. Yes, it was obvious from photos that the chokehold from an NYPD cop who was assisted by other police officers who were holding Garner down, killed the 43-year old. However, autopsy confirming the cause of death is probably part of the due process for an investigation. I would like to state that – through the autopsy, the obvious has been confirmed for the courts! 

I am now hoping that this latest development/great evidence will be put to good use by the courts. Like I wrote in my first article on Eric Garner, justice in the American justice system often seems to take a plunge when an African-American is the victim. So, I am far from ceasing to raise awareness on the illegal execution of Eric Garner by NYPD cops – Garner’s supposed-to-be protectors.

Please join the Garner family, others and myself to keep seeking justice for Eric Garner. Use the already existing hashtag – #JusticeForEricGarner on your social media networks such as Facebook and Twitter. Also invite your friends to join in on this great cause.

Peace & #JusticeForEricGarner,

Chiamaka.

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Progressing Gradually and Balancing Full-Time Volunteering

It is experience that sums up what your reasons are when you tell someone why you are fit for a job and/or when you try to explain why you have so much knowledge of something. Experience does not have to be synonymous to your working experience. It can encompass your intellectual skills, your interpersonal skills, your physical abilities or the experience that you have gained form working for someone, an organization or for yourself. This conception makes it difficult to decipher why most retail stores in Canada do not hire people who have no previous retail experience. Someone who has never worked in retail but is armed with interpersonal skills and a wealth of knowledge may be able to do a better job than a more experienced retail salesperson. This is not to say that prior experience related to that dream job that you want is not necessary. It is extremely necessary.

As you work towards hitting your big career goal, try to get as much related experience and knowledge as you can. It is okay to accept that volunteer job even though you know that your output will deserve a substantial monetary pay. From that volunteer job, it is fine to transition to a job that does not pay enough for the skills that you have and for all the results that your hard work is yielding. However, it is not okay to keep settling for less than you are worth. The main use of experience is for it to open pathways that will gradually lead to the actualization of your dream(s) which should BIG:)

It is hard to control your inner perplexity and shock when you attend a networking event and listen to a young man of probably not up to age 35 call himself a “full-time volunteer”. It is a beautiful thing to be actively involved in tending to your society’s needs for free, but you must also care about yourself. It is not selfishness, it is self-love. Also, caring about yourself enough to want to make some money will arm you with more resources to use in helping others. Volunteer full-time for your volunteer career, but also get paid for doing something else that your heart okays you to accept money for. 

Take time to map out your goals. You can do this by paper or in your mind. Set goals to be of help to people and your community without hoping for anything in return, except the success of your efforts. Also, set goals to make money. Like I stated earlier, that resource can cater to several important needs including your social change desires. So, do not be solely a full-time volunteer. Empower yourself financially, as well.

Love,

Chiamaka.

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Let’s Talk Vacations! – A glimpse at my latest adventure

Once in a while, I like to spice things up around here and it is that time again!:) I have experienced an amazing vacation in the United States (US), since April of this year, 2014. Since my holiday comes to an end soon (by the end of August), I want to share with you all, my vacation experiences so far. I hope that you will also share your fun vacation tips in the comment section of this blogpost:)

My vacation this year has been so incredible. I went straight from Ottawa, Canada to visit my elder sister – Ebele, in Colorado. In this state: I have met some wonderful people; I visited Bear Creek Lake; I got to watch some really good movies; plus, I went on a shopping spree (I had not done this in a while) on one particular day with my sister . The Mexican foods here have been irresistible, but let us not talk about the bad service that my sister and I experienced at two particular restaurants that we used to be quite fond of. Plus, Mabuhay!! – I got to try Filipino food for the first time and I loved it. Had to go back to the Sunburst Grill restaurant, a second time:) 

Colorado has been my main niche in the US since April, however I have visited other parts of the country since then. I visited the vibrant New Orleans. I had a great time there. It is a very nice place to enjoy sea food. Plus, the vibrancy of the city was admirable, although I did not partake too much in that. I highly recommend that you visit Bourbon Street at night if you travel to New Orleans. The street was so full of activity that I was even scared. Lol! However, it is a good adventure zone to check out at night as a tourist. I will also recommend that that specific tour should not involve little children:) I am currently in Seattle. What do I love about it? The vegetation! There are lots and lots of it in this state. Seattle is a beautiful city which I still look forward to exploring. I cannot skip this information out – I had sushi for the first time in Seattle!:)

Below are pictures of my US ‘tour’ . Enjoy and please remember to share your own exciting vacation experiences with myself and other readers:)

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Love,

Chiamaka.

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Thought Things Out & … It’s Actually The Nigerian Extremists That Are Losing

Wednesday, July 23rd marked 100 days since the Chibok school girls of Nigeria have been in captivity. They were kidnapped in April by Boko Haram – a group of militant, Islamic extremists based in Northern Nigeria. Boko Haram when translated to English means – Western education is a sin.

The group became infamous in Nigeria a few years ago. Back then, they specialized in killing Christians. However, after a while, they started killing all forms of Nigerians – Northerners, Christians, Muslims and also, youths who are getting educated. Boko Haram, since the kidnap of the Chibok school girls, has become the shameful highlight of Nigeria – the country nicknamed the Giant of Africa. The extremists are shaming Nigerians, making us appear weak and as I have heard, they have even made some of us refugees. I would have never imagined that a Nigerian would become a refugee because of violence. Note: I lived in Nigeria uninterruptedly for 14 years since my birth.

There are times when I reflect on how shameful it is that Nigeria – Africa’s richest economy, is now the latest victim of terrorism, and I get so sad. I usually feel like the Giant has been forced to its knees. However, what I failed to remember for a while, was that the aim of Boko Haram is to create division among Nigerians and this vision of theirs is yet to come to fruition. It never will.

Nigeria comprises mainly of Christians and Muslims. I find so much beauty in this difference. I am a Christian and I attended a predominantly Christian school with Muslims. Yup! We would tell each other about our different religious practices. That was fun. During one of the main Muslim festive periods – Sallah, there was a particular neighbour of my parents who would share meat among his neighbours, including my Christian parents. Even in the midst of the Boko Haram crisis that has lasted for at least, four years now, a majority of Nigerians are saying No to religious violence, and No to violence against children and youths who are going to school. In summary, we Nigerians are saying No to Boko Haram. How can you be winning when your goal does not seem like it will ever be achieved? The extremists are the ones losing here because most Nigerians will not let swords and guns change their mindset on equality and every human being’s natural right to education.

I love that I am a co-Nigerian citizen to people who are different from me either by tribe or by religion. What fun would it be, if we were completely homogeneous as Nigerians? There is beauty in our differences. Our bond will continue to conquer the extremists. The Chibok school girls will be freed, and someday (soon, I hope), Boko Haram will leave Nigeria.

Love & Peace,

Chiamaka.

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The Eric Garner Murder: A Man’s Humanity Stripped By His ‘Protectors’

Last week Friday (July 18th), I watched, through pictures, a 43-year old father and grandfather go from being full of life, to being nearly lifeless (if not already lifeless). This man was Eric Garner. He died after an illegal attack by officers from the New York Police Department on Thursday, July 17th. There is a video that shows the execution. I did not watch it. Pictures were enough for me:(

Garner was surrounded (after coming out of a beauty products store) by five police officers whom, I would assume wanted to arrest him. However, they ended up killing him through a chokehold which is disallowed under the New York Police Department rules. 

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The picture above was shared by a Facebook user. It shows the stages of harassment on Garner that finally led to the fatal chokehold 

How could someone be stripped of his humanity like that? If police officers do not respect citizens’ rights, then there is trouble.

As I read reports on the execution, I looked at Eric Garner to be a human being like anyone else. He could have been me, he could have been a lawyer or a teacher, he could have been Caucasian or Asian or Hispanic. He could have been anyone. I did not think too much of the reasonable possibility that Garner was treated that way because he was black. I am black, myself. I still look at the story with shock and disappointment, and with a great degree of colour-blindness at the mistreatment of a human being who was not given a chance to defend himself in court. While, I will not point to skin colour as the most correct option for why those cops did what they did, I am not completely colour-blind to the justice system of America.

As a black person who is very much aware of how African-Americans are usually denied their right to justice, I am worried about what the outcome of the Eric Garner murder case will be. I very much hope for a positive outcome, though. There is still no justice for the murder of Emmett Till; I followed the Trayvon Martin case till I was disappointed at the court’s verdict. These are, of course, just very few examples. I am hoping for the Eric Garner case to change the status quo! 

Let us all show our support for the Late Eric Garner and his family. Keep using your social media networks to raise awareness on his murder. We may just start up a social media campaign that will force the authorities to act swiftly and justly, for Eric Garner.

Peace & #JusticeForEricGarner,

Chiamaka.

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Self-Reinforcement: A Necessary Activity

The hustles and bustles, as well as the evils, disappointments and rejections that come with life, definitely have the ability to change our focus, occasionally. We start to focus on the things that are not going well and sometimes, we focus on imaginary issues. It’s inevitable to be sad about life issues (including self-imagined issues), that we experience, but we can lessen the pressure for ourselves. How? By appreciating the person that you are. The person who through all life’s troubles, is still holding on. 

When we compliment people who are sad, on how amazing they are and on how they have accomplished a lot, they feel better. Do we transfer that love to ourselves though? I look down on myself a lot of times; sometimes I care about what others may think about me; and I get stressed out when I am yet to attain success at something that I want (this one really relates to the focus for today’s post). However, in the process of thinking of what to write on today, I remembered how I encourage one of the most special people in my life when this person is in doubt because of hardwork that is yet to yield success, and rejection. Then, I also remembered how uplifting my positive words usually are to that special person, so I asked myself: Why don’t you transfer your ability to be positive in times of doubt for another person, to yourself as well? 

It is okay to temporarily quit from things that you have been unsuccessful at for a while. It is fine and necessary to do something fun when your thoughts keep rotating around negative things. No matter how well things are going for you, take a break sometimes. Take a break to have fun, read a book, reflect on the positive aspects of your life and also, on areas where you really need to improve; while still keeping track of your goal(s). Whenever you begin to reminisce on negative events or begin to think of current ones and imaginary ones, push yourself to relax. Try to take your mind away from all the negative distractions by reflecting on all the good things that you have done in life, and be appreciative of the person that you are. Reflect on all your academic or professional achievements; the fact that you maintain a good relationship with your family and friends; how friendly and fun you are; how you contribute positively to your community, e.t.c.

There is always a rewarding feeling of happiness and encouragement that I experience when I reflect on the positive things that I have done/that I am doing, and on the situations that I have overcome, in times of worry. 

My Question For You?

– What do you do to encourage yourself, in your times of sadness, doubt and/or when you are imagining the occurrence of problems?

Love & Peace,

Chiamaka. 

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