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Validation from Within May Be The Missing Piece

You are good enough. You really are.

This is probably not the first time that you are reading sentences similar to the ones above. We know that we should believe in ourselves but we don’t always do so.

Earlier in the week, I visited a salon to temporarily straighten my Afro-hair, with irons. Prior to the salon visit, I had discussed briefly, over the phone, with the hairstylist on price estimates. When she was done straightening my hair, I informed her that I was ready to pay. She went to the cash register and punched in a perplexing and somewhat overwhelming fee. I then told her that the fee was not in line with the information that she gave me over the phone and she replied that she had to add extra cost “because it’s natural hair”. The stylist compared my hair with that of her other Black customer who had permed hair – thus straight hair. She said that mine took longer. Mind you, this hairdresser is Black but she still found OUR natural hair to be a problem, so much so she had to charge a high fee. I do know that colonization is to blame for that kind of thinking, but it was just all round sad. I wondered – Why do we not accept ourselves fully?

That question applies to different people, including myself and in different aspects. You may feel intimidated by others, you may feel that being your true self means that you have to bow away from humility or you could feel that what you are is not good enough for someone else. Sometimes, failure and rejection can make you feel like you are not good enough. However, to live life to its fullest, you have to be authentic and you have to dare to take chances. Your beliefs, goals and ideas may not be the same with those of a lot of people that you know, but that does not invalidate the person that you are. Appreciate and accept the person that you are. When you think of reasons why you are not good enough, remember all those things that you have done that were so worth the try. Be honest with you – your beliefs, goals and ideas. Then, you can do magnificent things and you will be able to improve yourself continually.

I am starting to think that it is in our human nature to be in need of constant validation. At times, we need someone other than ‘me’ to remind us that we are good enough. Make it a habit to compliment people who you admire and appreciate – of course, these could be strangers. Compliments also boost personal confidence and gradually encourage people to believe in themselves. Still, no one should just wait for the compliments. Depend on being the best you that you can be. When you are confident with yourself, most times, you will not need validation – you will not care that you were rejected for a particular job, you will not care so much that someone who you expected to compliment you, did not. You will come to the realization that you put your best into everything and you will know that you are capable of achieving unlimited success.

Love,

Chiamaka

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